If not for my best friend, one direction and music, I don't think I'd b alive.music is my everything and one of the many things on my everyday. Im planning on auditioning for the x factor next year and that will be my big chance to fulfill my dreams of being an indie singer-songwriter. One day my music will hit someone with realization, and they will recognize that they have something in them too. Over the past few months, ive been depressed, no one knows except my best friend. But during that time, I've realizes that the truth is no longer a stranger, its become more of a friend. Live long engineers <3 dreams are just cracks in the concrete wall of reality, unfixable. ---------im thinking about the new year and how people never realize that living a whole other year is an amazing accomplishment, im only 14, but im congradulating myself, because if u think about it. that's a while year of emotions and feelings and s**t that u have to pull through, so for me that's a huge thing cuz if not for a few key things in my life... I wouldn't b here to roll in 2013—----—im a daydreamer, do u think u could save me... Please —--—I thought I was getting better, thought I was making progress, but I've realized u can't think things are gonna get better because u pretend everything's fine, if u put on a fake smile. Cuz underneath that I was still feeling anger, and love, and depression, I was still miserable, something just needed to trigger all of that, and something did. Im a f**king mess, why can't I just move on. --- the TMH tour starts today. I should be happy and proud of the boys, but im not. Im always making f**king everything about me, but I can't help it. I'll never be pretty enough that if they met me they would remember me, I don't have enough money to see them in concert. I've tried telling myself everything will turn around in the future but it's hard to imagine what's waiting for me when im still stuck here catching up to myself. —-DAMMIT! Im sick and tired of my imagination. If there was an option to wipe away just one aspect of my brain, it would be compassion, that's the one thing that hurts everything ive worked for.—-----—I can't tell if im just sad or angry anymore. I think it's more anger that I can't do anything about the sadness and the madness, or maybe it's this society s**t, telling me i should look an abercrombie and Fitch b**ch , o close my mouth, to shut my eyes, to choke down slowly on their lies . I don't even know who 'they ' is, maybe it's part of my imagination, part of my creations, just as fake and hopeless as our dreams.dreams that are shutting us out and closing them in. Dreams that are causing my brain to lose and my heart to win.—----—YouTube ruined my life.